I get it. I really do. Law school is hard. It's a sad, scary place that welcomes all formerly normal human beings and transforms them into just massive, massive douchebag A-f*cks with no lives. You know your friend is a law student when they become not so much your friend as a zombie-like creature who has replaced regular use of the English language with an Orwellian-esque lawspeak that makes the listener want to immediately take a lightsaber to said former friend's genital regions. Law school forces a person who used to possess a "soul" and "morals" to become hyper-logical to the point of absurdity. Yes, friend, your logic is flawless. Just because something is logical, however, does not make it right. You are now pretty much just a terrible human being and I probably can't hang out with you ever again. Not that you have the time to actually hang out, anyway, because you're, like, SO busy it takes you two days to answer a text message.
I.AM.SORRY. I call shenanigans on that one, folks! Nobody is that busy. NOBODY. You are not curing cancer. You are not running a country into the ground (except you are definitely part of the problem). And you most certainly are not an indispensable and rampantly narcissistic Blogger-Slash-Bartender-Slash-General Layabout. You are just not as important as you seem to think you are (or as I seem to think I am, for that matter. Yikes...).
Anyway, I have questions. If law school is so effing difficult, WHY are there so many godforsaken ambulance chasers oozing about the place? It seems to me that the administration has taken to shooting JD's out of tshirt guns at sporting events, so how hard can it be REALLY? (Come on. You can't swing a dead cat in this city without hitting a lawyer these days) (Ooh, I know a few law students I'd love to just whack in the head with a rotting feline corpse, though, don't you?! Fun times.). Also, roughly 80% of the law students I have met are 100% grade-A MORONS who drive around in moron mobiles and drink moron coffee every moron morning (SO they're morons is what you're trying to say, Marisa? Good talk). As in they are downright UN-smart people. I literally have met a law student who didn't know that they speak English in ENGLAND. Seriously, she was all "Wait, you lived in England? DO YOU SPEAK FRENCH?" That's when I spit at her, pulled her hair and ran away because...I mean...wouldn't you?
To conclude this somewhat timely rant...Oh, screw it, if you're one of my friends who is in law school, your opinion is (to use terminology that your brain is capable of processing) null and void, and I'm probably not speaking to you anymore anyway unless you've somehow managed to maintain some semblance of humor and personality, which is exceedingly unlikely in these dangerous times. You may now return to your regularly scheduled douchebaggery. Good day.
As for the rest of you...keep fighting the good fight. Arm yourselves heavily and tomorrow, try to slap at least one law student across their stupid, smug, moron face. Do it for me. And for what's left of humanity. Good night and good luck.
Is this because I didn't call you?
ReplyDeletemarisa u ever get tired of senseless banter?? lol do something PRODUCTIVE....... and if im not mistaken u had law school dreams at one point i guess u just SMARTENED up? -- i mean the results r unquestionable.... working late hours in a bar room n CONSTANTLY complaining about it on the internet to the 5 ppl who follow was certainly the better choice of action but to ur defense if they paid ppl to BITCH u would b a millionaire
ReplyDeleteI know ONE law student who defies your whole premise.He works hard AND has fun every day.My son and your brother.Do I see a little sibling jelousy here?
ReplyDeleteIf I'm not mistaken, Child Please is my brother. At least have the balls not to comment anonymously. The only thing lamer than being a blogger is being one of the tools who spends their time leaving anonymous comments. To answer his question, no I do not EVER tire of senseless banter. Obviously, neither do those who read this blog. I used to think I wanted to go to law school. I would not call it a "dream", however. It was more a lapse in sanity. Also, I believe the blog currently has 31 followers. Not 5, a-thank you very much. And I don't complain about working in a bar, I actually enjoy it most of the time. It's a perfectly legitimate job for me to do until I find something more stable.
ReplyDeleteShouldn't you be studying, anyway? I thought you were too busy to read my blog.
Mother, you're just...wrong. As a general rule. About everything.
If you people don't like the blog, no one is forcing you to read it! Cheers!
lol oh im sorry for anyone who cares YES i am marisa's brother... i apologize i didnt realize i had to put my name for her to know... OH WAIT THATS RIGHT I DIDN'T.... and marisa if that was ur "lapse in sanity" u may want to re-evaluate bc that may have been the only moment of clarity u have EVER had in ur life. (Note: the real world is NOT what you decide it is-- either join us or just keep up the bullshit.... but heed this warning: wish and hope for YOUR WAY in one hand and shit in the other SEE WHICH ONE FILLS UP FIRST)
ReplyDeleteHahahaha THE REAL WORLD?! Do you seriously think law school is the real world? Sweetpea, your mother pays your rent and bills and GAVE you MY car. You need a reality check. At least when I was in grad school I didn't kid myself that it was the "real world". Get a grip.
ReplyDeleteP.S. You keep proving my point about law students being humorless assholes, you do realize this? Learn how to take a joke, buddy.
ReplyDelete