Raise your hand if you, too, loathe and despise the rest of humanity as a collective. As I can't see you, I'll just assume that we are in full agreement. Good? Good. Glad that's settled.
Seriously though, people. What is going on? I can't remember the last time someone asked me a good question. Honestly, I can't remember the last time someone asked me a question that didn't make me want to simultaneously backhand them, burst into tears of frustration, and nosedive off of the nearest cliff. We all know that I work in the service industry these days, so it naturally follows that I am forced to occasionally interact with my fellow 'humans' (note that I am using that term in the loosest sense of the word, and picture something between a gorilla and Fred Flintstone, though either of those would probably tip better than most of these assholes). Not that I don't love the service industry, but I think about death a lot more now than I used to. Just saying.
Actually, I think everyone should be required to wait tables or bartend at some point in their lives. It's very easy to spot those who have not had the pleasure of spending and hour and a half running back and forth refilling drinks, answering asinine questions, and laughing at terrible jokes, only to find a $3 tip on a $60 check. It never fails to shock me how absolutely wretched people are. For example, I recently had the honor of waiting on a trio of middle-aged women who proceeded to get mildly tipsy over the course of two hours and a few pomegranate martinis and somehow lose their car keys. After searching the entire bar high and low to no avail, the keys were finally located by one of the ladies, who had washed her hands in the bathroom and accidentally tossed the keys into the wastepaper basket along with her trash. As I was, at this point, attempting to shut the bar down and go the hell home after a particularly gruesome day, I was elated at this news. Alas, my joy was short-lived. I walked into the ladies room a few minutes later to find the entire contents of both trashcans strewn haphazardly ALL OVER THE FLOOR. I mean, that shit was everywhere. AND they had the balls and gall to still be at the bar when I came back out after cleaning up their mess! Who does that, I ask you?! Were you people born in a barn, for Chrissake?! Ugh. I just...I can't. People are the worst.
To be fair, I do actually like my job most of the time. It's been 'A Week', so cut me some ever-loving slack, here. Really, you could say it's been 'A Month' for me. A month of blinding torture, emotional terrorism and undiluted frustration which I don't particularly care to elaborate on in a public forum (which, if you've read this blog before, may be somewhat shocking. My apologies). I will try to update more often in the future, hopefully when I'm not feeling quite so grim. Until then, good night and good luck. If you need me, I'll be mixing drinks. My secret ingredients: Pure Evil (Not From Concentrate) & Sparkling Human Tears. Mimosas, anyone?
P.S. That photo has naught to do with anything, I just assume you've all missed Lee Pace as much as I have. Don't judge me.
