Today he texted me with some truly delightful news on his end. He has a new boyfriend. Well, bully for you, old chum! But, seriously, I could not have been happier for him. No one deserves a great guy more than Liam. (Except me. Obviously, me. Because, duh.) Still...happy times.
So, there's this thing I've noticed where Liam and I can talk about our Boyfriends Past, like, ad nauseum, in a way that no girlfriend I have ever had will EVER put up with such nonsense. No way, NEVA. A girlfriend will put AN SWIFT END to any discussion of an ex that pushes a drunk 5 minutes (equal to roughly a sober 15, incidentally). Liam will let me go on about a guy I dated for 6 months 4 years ago for...oh...longer than I dated the guy, basically. Not to mention he will never be judgmental, sarcastic, harsh, or anything less than fully supportive and understanding of my complete and utter lunacy. What follows is an excerpt of one such conversation:
(Obviously I'm leaving names out of this.)
Marisa: So ******* is in a relationship!
M: I may drive my car off a cliff.
M: That's a joke, kind of.
Liam: Do not do that to me!!
L: It better be. I would not survive without you.
M: Well, he hasn't really been in a relationship since me. Wtf.
L: Wait for real? Ok, well no wonder this is distressing you.
M: Car. Cliff. Nuff said?
M: OH shit! By the way I'm gonna be in town for New Years Eve!
M: And I have to find a killer dress.
L: YAYAYAYAYAYAY!
L: We have to arrange for you to meet ****** [new boyfriend]
M: Obviously.
L: Brunch?
M: You took the word right out of my mouth.
L: I would expect no less.
M: Anyway, back to me needing a fabulous dress.
M: Like the kind that when you run into your ex randomly, his jaw hits the floor so hard it leaves a hole halfway to China...
M: Preferably.
M: Aaaand if his new girlfriend is with him she gets mad and says something along the lines of "YOU COULD'VE TOLD ME YOUR EX GIRLFRIEND LOOKS LIKE AUDREY FREAKING HEPBURN!"
M: Ideally.
L: Ok so first off I screen capped that.
M: Duh.
M: I'm hilarious.
[five minutes later]
M: [sends random photo of ex bf...stop judging me, this is what girls do with their gay best friends I swear]
M: I mean...
M: I'M ONLY FLESH AND BLOOD, LIAM.
L: He's the Angel to your Buffy.
M: WHY IS HE PERFECT
M: I HATE EVERYTHING
L: Ok he's NOT. He treats you like crap.
M: One day I'm gonna write a book and the title is going to be I HATE EVERYTHING.
M: By Marisa Rachel FUCKYOU Mandich
L: You really need to pick up the blog again.
M: I'm just gonna post this conversation. I haven't publicly humiliated myself in awhile.
M: But without that photo maybe.
L: Yay! I'll be featured!
This one's for you, Liam! I love you to the moon you little weirdo.
xoxox
